The beginning...of the end

All stories must have the inane beginning, middle and ending... otherwise they wouldn't really be a story, they would simply be a never ending flow of thoughts lacking direction and purpose...

well....
i see no ending in sight, so be ready for no direction!

Everyones crazy life decisions are usually set off by one event that sets life in motion... here is where my story starts...

Since I was little, i was always the boy crazy one of my sisters, it was accepted, much to my parents worry and despair.

My story starts at the age of 10, one of my good school friends was a boy, (for obvious reasons, names will be modified ) his name was .. lets say sam :) i really liked him, like the biggest school girl crush, and who are we kidding, we have all been there haven't we.  I was daring though, my sisters had trained me in the art of asking questions and speaking my mind, so I was a fearless 10 year old.

My school had a fair going on, and we were hanging out, walking along through the stalls, when i turned to him and boldly went where no 10 year old girl should ever go!!!! i said... I like you............

Sam looked at me, stopped.. and said.................... "I like you too........... BUT........... it's the boy that's supposed to tell the girl, so we can't be friends anymore"...

AND HE NEVER SPOKE TO ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( he moved away at the end of that school year)

need i say.. no one deserves that kind of trauma when they are 10! definition of rejection right there mixed with sexist education... i was devastated, and made a clear decision to never tell a boy i liked them like that ever again.... as i clearly went about it the wrong way!

one year later... in my choir, there was a boy i really liked... but i smartly kept quiet, until his friend asked me out for him... and i said yes....but i was soooo shy .. and scared of him (god knows why) that once i agreed to be his gf, i never dared go near him... to the point that once after practice his friend grabbed me and dragged me across the church wooden floors towards him... on my knees.. painful wood burns right there.. he gave up... a few weeks later at a picnic with all our families i saw my so called bf... and he came up and apologised. I asked, why? whats wrong? His reply.... i got tired of waiting to kiss you so I kissed someone else!  what does stupid 11 year old girl say? "oh hey, thats ok! i understand"!! WHATEVER!!!!! so now... have had 1 full on rejection, and 1 cheated on me.. and i'm not even 12!!!

so now comes part 3 of what made me me....
I am 12.... once again, really good friend that is a boy.... his name... hell, this one ill leave real.. paul :) really really liked him,  but come on sam and the other one taught me my lesson, so i smartly kept my mouth shut, and my head down. End of the school year came about and i moved away (left the country even!). I had an awkward goodbye with paul,  then once i was gone, i got in touch with a friend and asked her to enquire if he had ever liked me ( nothing to lose). She asked him point blank.... his response... yes, of course i liked her, but i didn't think she liked me!!!!!!!!!!!!if only she had said something!

she told me... i almost attempted to shoot myself...

LESSON NUMBER ONE IN LIFE:
Men are not psychics, yes, sometimes they will be dick heads and assholes, and not worth the time of day due to their sexist upbringing, but if you don't speak up, you will even miss out on the good ones..

rejection is a necessary evil in order to find happiness....... if you don't risk failure, you will never achieve greatness....

and all that from three boys!!!

I want to write more already.... but one whole bottle of wine and blogging is dangerous... especially while getting texts from a hot gym trainer... (current event... update to follow soon)

Love you all!
x
Serial love addict

An intro to my chaos

So....
this is a blog...
first time i try this... but a friend who has heard some of my stories insisted i should blog about them, apparently, what i find insane and funny, may actually appeal to the masses as well!

To say my life takes odd twists, is to put it lightly... I come from a supportive family background, have a degree, moved around the world, met more people than I could ever think to remember, and cried more tears than I thought possible. I suffer from serial empathy, and an intense need to fix things and people. My profession leads me to fix people, however i seem to apply the same rule in my relationships, which thus far has equalled me going with men who needed fixing... slippery slope away from happiness if you ask me!

On occasion, I may meet a man who doesn't need fixing, but those are the ones I tend to scare away---> ever seen how to lose a guy in 10 days --- sums up some things i've done! ---

needless to say... I'm starting this blog with many of these funny experiences behind me already.. so i feel that an initial blogging trip into the past is the best approach, let the present and future appear when you avid learners are all caught up.

As far as intros go... I think i've said what needs to be said... and its too late to write the first official story, but if i've spiked your curiosity, please stay tuned... you won't be disappointed :)

Peace out fellow travellers of love and life... and remember, we all end the same, what makes us different is the journey!