Monday, 3 September 2012
The unfortunate awkwardness of teenage years
So.... Here I am again, moving forward in the story.
I won't go into too much detail of my teenage years, as they were mostly filled with rejection after rejection, and too many humiliations to count.. :( I have always said i'm like a fine wine... improving with age.. and the attention i get from the opposite sex proves that! the older I get the more compliments i get and the more attractive the interested men i get are, so i guess I can forgive the teenage awkwardness if it meant flourishing in my later years ...
Basically, this includes moving through 4 different schools in 4 years, and two of those moves being country changes, therefore, i was a very lost lonely girl yet still idealistic and naive. I was a firm believer in signs, and always thought i could read guys minds, and assumed they liked me.. HAHA! boy was i wrong!
Once i realized my imagination was playing tricks on me, I developed an infallible method to get over unrequited loves...
I would simply go up to said boy, tell them i liked them to their face... and await the awkward silence that followed, along with the old school : I like you as a friend bullshit! haha, but... funny enough, all I ever needed was to hear it to my face, and within a day I was onto my next infatuation. I went through high school like this essentially. It did nothing for my self esteem, but at least i wasn't scared of hearing the truth, and somehow, it never stopped me from hoping that the next one might actually like me back...
Bear in mind.... I had the worlds worst hair style, braces, and HUGE glasses.... who am I kidding, i never stood a chance!
Until......
back in the days when email was a new thing, as was yahoo messenger and the likes...
I got an email on the family email addressed to me.. and the email it was sent from was : Ilove(my name)@hotmail.com , at the ripe age of 17, i had my first secret admirer!!! well, it didn't sit too well with my parents when they read the email first, and it was some guy saying that he had been watching me, and really liked me, and that he knew me, and all this stuff that i have forgotten, but that made my parents forbid me from emailing him!! well, no one had ever been interested in me, so like hell was i not going to investigate!!!
I made myself an email addy and emailed him back... i was really trying to figure out who on earth he was, because he clearly knew me personally, so it was driving me crazy!!! One day I finally caved and agreed to meet him in a public place..........
enter shocked, confused, and worried face at this point...
I waited at the appointed place, and when he approached me, understanding, confusion, and worry dawned on me all at once... i did know him.... but i also knew his GIRLFRIEND!!!! and she happened to be one of my sisters best friends!!! and a very scary goth like girl....
i was like... WTF!!!! he tried explaining how he loved me, and had been watching me, and wanted to get to know me better... and i was like... no no no no no... you're so and so's bf, im not getting in the middle of this... so what does the idiot of a man do... he TOLD HER!! so then she goes all pschyzo on me, threatening me... took her some time to cool down before she would hang out w my sister at home anymore... and of course she dumped him... but i sure as hell wasn't going there!! He finally melted away into the fabric of time, never to be heard from again........
LESSON....
Now i have enjoyed/learned the worry of a secret admirer / borderline stalker.... I am clearly showing signs of my recklessness already by meeting some random internet person against all common sense! This reappears in later years...
What we see from here... as much as i wanted attention.... the wrong attention just won't do, and one needs to learn what situations to not dive into.
Next chapter..... the crazy love triangle!!! barely any men wanted me, until all at once 3 did.. stay tuned :)
Keep smiling my lovelies, for if we forget to smile, we forget to live! xx
Friday, 31 August 2012
The beginning...of the end
All stories must have the inane beginning, middle and ending... otherwise they wouldn't really be a story, they would simply be a never ending flow of thoughts lacking direction and purpose...
well....
i see no ending in sight, so be ready for no direction!
Everyones crazy life decisions are usually set off by one event that sets life in motion... here is where my story starts...
Since I was little, i was always the boy crazy one of my sisters, it was accepted, much to my parents worry and despair.
My story starts at the age of 10, one of my good school friends was a boy, (for obvious reasons, names will be modified ) his name was .. lets say sam :) i really liked him, like the biggest school girl crush, and who are we kidding, we have all been there haven't we. I was daring though, my sisters had trained me in the art of asking questions and speaking my mind, so I was a fearless 10 year old.
My school had a fair going on, and we were hanging out, walking along through the stalls, when i turned to him and boldly went where no 10 year old girl should ever go!!!! i said... I like you............
Sam looked at me, stopped.. and said.................... "I like you too........... BUT........... it's the boy that's supposed to tell the girl, so we can't be friends anymore"...
AND HE NEVER SPOKE TO ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( he moved away at the end of that school year)
need i say.. no one deserves that kind of trauma when they are 10! definition of rejection right there mixed with sexist education... i was devastated, and made a clear decision to never tell a boy i liked them like that ever again.... as i clearly went about it the wrong way!
one year later... in my choir, there was a boy i really liked... but i smartly kept quiet, until his friend asked me out for him... and i said yes....but i was soooo shy .. and scared of him (god knows why) that once i agreed to be his gf, i never dared go near him... to the point that once after practice his friend grabbed me and dragged me across the church wooden floors towards him... on my knees.. painful wood burns right there.. he gave up... a few weeks later at a picnic with all our families i saw my so called bf... and he came up and apologised. I asked, why? whats wrong? His reply.... i got tired of waiting to kiss you so I kissed someone else! what does stupid 11 year old girl say? "oh hey, thats ok! i understand"!! WHATEVER!!!!! so now... have had 1 full on rejection, and 1 cheated on me.. and i'm not even 12!!!
so now comes part 3 of what made me me....
I am 12.... once again, really good friend that is a boy.... his name... hell, this one ill leave real.. paul :) really really liked him, but come on sam and the other one taught me my lesson, so i smartly kept my mouth shut, and my head down. End of the school year came about and i moved away (left the country even!). I had an awkward goodbye with paul, then once i was gone, i got in touch with a friend and asked her to enquire if he had ever liked me ( nothing to lose). She asked him point blank.... his response... yes, of course i liked her, but i didn't think she liked me!!!!!!!!!!!!if only she had said something!
she told me... i almost attempted to shoot myself...
LESSON NUMBER ONE IN LIFE:
Men are not psychics, yes, sometimes they will be dick heads and assholes, and not worth the time of day due to their sexist upbringing, but if you don't speak up, you will even miss out on the good ones..
rejection is a necessary evil in order to find happiness....... if you don't risk failure, you will never achieve greatness....
and all that from three boys!!!
I want to write more already.... but one whole bottle of wine and blogging is dangerous... especially while getting texts from a hot gym trainer... (current event... update to follow soon)
Love you all!
x
Serial love addict
well....
i see no ending in sight, so be ready for no direction!
Everyones crazy life decisions are usually set off by one event that sets life in motion... here is where my story starts...
Since I was little, i was always the boy crazy one of my sisters, it was accepted, much to my parents worry and despair.
My story starts at the age of 10, one of my good school friends was a boy, (for obvious reasons, names will be modified ) his name was .. lets say sam :) i really liked him, like the biggest school girl crush, and who are we kidding, we have all been there haven't we. I was daring though, my sisters had trained me in the art of asking questions and speaking my mind, so I was a fearless 10 year old.
My school had a fair going on, and we were hanging out, walking along through the stalls, when i turned to him and boldly went where no 10 year old girl should ever go!!!! i said... I like you............
Sam looked at me, stopped.. and said.................... "I like you too........... BUT........... it's the boy that's supposed to tell the girl, so we can't be friends anymore"...
AND HE NEVER SPOKE TO ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( he moved away at the end of that school year)
need i say.. no one deserves that kind of trauma when they are 10! definition of rejection right there mixed with sexist education... i was devastated, and made a clear decision to never tell a boy i liked them like that ever again.... as i clearly went about it the wrong way!
one year later... in my choir, there was a boy i really liked... but i smartly kept quiet, until his friend asked me out for him... and i said yes....but i was soooo shy .. and scared of him (god knows why) that once i agreed to be his gf, i never dared go near him... to the point that once after practice his friend grabbed me and dragged me across the church wooden floors towards him... on my knees.. painful wood burns right there.. he gave up... a few weeks later at a picnic with all our families i saw my so called bf... and he came up and apologised. I asked, why? whats wrong? His reply.... i got tired of waiting to kiss you so I kissed someone else! what does stupid 11 year old girl say? "oh hey, thats ok! i understand"!! WHATEVER!!!!! so now... have had 1 full on rejection, and 1 cheated on me.. and i'm not even 12!!!
so now comes part 3 of what made me me....
I am 12.... once again, really good friend that is a boy.... his name... hell, this one ill leave real.. paul :) really really liked him, but come on sam and the other one taught me my lesson, so i smartly kept my mouth shut, and my head down. End of the school year came about and i moved away (left the country even!). I had an awkward goodbye with paul, then once i was gone, i got in touch with a friend and asked her to enquire if he had ever liked me ( nothing to lose). She asked him point blank.... his response... yes, of course i liked her, but i didn't think she liked me!!!!!!!!!!!!if only she had said something!
she told me... i almost attempted to shoot myself...
LESSON NUMBER ONE IN LIFE:
Men are not psychics, yes, sometimes they will be dick heads and assholes, and not worth the time of day due to their sexist upbringing, but if you don't speak up, you will even miss out on the good ones..
rejection is a necessary evil in order to find happiness....... if you don't risk failure, you will never achieve greatness....
and all that from three boys!!!
I want to write more already.... but one whole bottle of wine and blogging is dangerous... especially while getting texts from a hot gym trainer... (current event... update to follow soon)
Love you all!
x
Serial love addict
Thursday, 30 August 2012
An intro to my chaos
So....
this is a blog...
first time i try this... but a friend who has heard some of my stories insisted i should blog about them, apparently, what i find insane and funny, may actually appeal to the masses as well!
To say my life takes odd twists, is to put it lightly... I come from a supportive family background, have a degree, moved around the world, met more people than I could ever think to remember, and cried more tears than I thought possible. I suffer from serial empathy, and an intense need to fix things and people. My profession leads me to fix people, however i seem to apply the same rule in my relationships, which thus far has equalled me going with men who needed fixing... slippery slope away from happiness if you ask me!
On occasion, I may meet a man who doesn't need fixing, but those are the ones I tend to scare away---> ever seen how to lose a guy in 10 days --- sums up some things i've done! ---
needless to say... I'm starting this blog with many of these funny experiences behind me already.. so i feel that an initial blogging trip into the past is the best approach, let the present and future appear when you avid learners are all caught up.
As far as intros go... I think i've said what needs to be said... and its too late to write the first official story, but if i've spiked your curiosity, please stay tuned... you won't be disappointed :)
Peace out fellow travellers of love and life... and remember, we all end the same, what makes us different is the journey!
this is a blog...
first time i try this... but a friend who has heard some of my stories insisted i should blog about them, apparently, what i find insane and funny, may actually appeal to the masses as well!
To say my life takes odd twists, is to put it lightly... I come from a supportive family background, have a degree, moved around the world, met more people than I could ever think to remember, and cried more tears than I thought possible. I suffer from serial empathy, and an intense need to fix things and people. My profession leads me to fix people, however i seem to apply the same rule in my relationships, which thus far has equalled me going with men who needed fixing... slippery slope away from happiness if you ask me!
On occasion, I may meet a man who doesn't need fixing, but those are the ones I tend to scare away---> ever seen how to lose a guy in 10 days --- sums up some things i've done! ---
needless to say... I'm starting this blog with many of these funny experiences behind me already.. so i feel that an initial blogging trip into the past is the best approach, let the present and future appear when you avid learners are all caught up.
As far as intros go... I think i've said what needs to be said... and its too late to write the first official story, but if i've spiked your curiosity, please stay tuned... you won't be disappointed :)
Peace out fellow travellers of love and life... and remember, we all end the same, what makes us different is the journey!
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